Monthly Archives: January 2013

“Maybe I wasn’t…

“Maybe I wasn’t asking you to love me, maybe I was asking you to understand, because for so long I’ve been hurt and for so long you’ve ignored it, and maybe it is bad timing, but maybe, I don’t care. I’ve been here all along just waiting, waiting for you to notice, waiting for you to care. Waiting for you to say that you’ve been waiting too, and you haven’t and maybe you never will or maybe you’re afraid to. But it all hurts the same, and in the end, I’m the one that’s left broken and when I lay down to sleep, I’m still the one crying, so screw the bad timing. I’ve loved you then, like I love you now, like I probably always will.”

Conclusion to a Mere Beginning

 

Finally got it into my head struggling to break it to my heart…

He’s the One and Now I know not a Doubt in My Heart…

I feared for him, but who am I to choose for him?!

And who is he to judge me?!

How do you explain what you can’t merely grasp?

I messed up by being naive in love and ain’t everyone naive in love?

Why can’t I be sometimes simply naive?

People don’t let me or don’t I let myself?

Can write… Can talk… Can love…

Can Love….

Please don’t close your eyes can’t know how to look without them…

I still Hope…

When you know how things ought to have been and not how they turned out to be…

In the end, it’s always been there…

Catching the Wind

“I was in the winter of my life and the men I met along the road were my only summer.” Lana Del Rey.

Many wish they’d be given a heads up when it’s “Their Time” “The Time of Times” we all know when we’re screwed but we don’t know the Golden Moments till they pass through our fingertips like sand…

We recall at seventy with such heartbroken intimacy our priceless moments always ending the memory with, “If I had only known…” “Little did I know…” “I didn’t know  back then that, that was one of THE Moments in my life…” 

Soft Lips, picks up quick too, became a decent – scratch that – superb kisser in absolutely no time… 

Always tasted fresh, innocent despite of everyone and everything that toppled over her and through her…

They wondered how she did but it was quite simple really she walked on… she just made sure to always walk on!

Heels, Sneakers, Cheap or Not! She turned up dirt, printed in the mud, sank in quick sand, and skipped through weeds and grass!

She carried Yesterday with the ignorance of the innocent, hoped for tomorrow with the naivety of school girls, and above all she twirled her way through today….

Never had the terminology but always nailed the context! She never knew how to pronounce Faith but it kept her warm on endless nights of disappointments that seemed for a mere second to bring her as close as she ever got to hear her back snap!

She was always shouting over herself, a child really trying to yell louder than the voice inside… She ran away from Home seeking Glory and came back after many years with nothing more than a trunk load of unforgivable mistakes…

She’s always on her way… Always trying to explain her constant dares and misgivings… but in waste for how can she explain her emptiness, loss, and constant quest for a Home to Souls who had a Resting Place… 

How can she explain that something irreplaceable  is missing from her Heart… She doesn’t know the when, the where, the how, or the who… It’s just Gone.

In constant search for chivalry, for her next knight in shining armor even if he’s just for show! 

Safety and Security being in the Wind… She’s just chasing the Wind! 

No Safe and Sound… A Never Ending Quest… A Fool’s Errand Really!

Catching the Wind…

The Dark Side… of the Gifted

The tragedy of writers… They love their words more than they love the humans that inspired them. Thing is most of the time we lose sight of what’s true and important… We lose the hearts of the people we loved… of the people who loved us… We lose serenity and we become mortal but the love… the emotions… the words will forever live.

It’s the price entertainers pay. For we have to admit at the very end of each and every day all we bloody ever did and will ever do is simply entertain…

People – audience – as you might prefer to call them so as not to stray your thin and ashy conscious gobble up our letters… our intimacy… our memories… with such hunger… such absolute lust that it’s actually quite scary most of the time.

We never quite can comprehend how much our words are needed… are craved for till a little twenty something comes along and ravishes upon us mesmerized and says, “You spoke of me with words, I didn’t possess…”

After you chew on it a while and it loses most of it’s flavor you realize that you’re not so special after all… What you went through… What you experienced… is nothing out of the ordinary…

The only difference is that the almighty bestowed to you a gift of expression… of words.

People can use your vocabulary and they’ll sound no more than a common ramble but you speak… you open your smart ass mouth… and the world makes sense.

You start to wonder why me?! Why do I have to loose, to hurt, to feel so much pain… In order for one soul to cry out, “I’m not alone in the world.”

For loneliness my friend is beyond underrated…

They say, “Why me?” is no more than an act of questioning God but cut the damn golden gal with the Persian finger tips some slack, will ya?

Then these times come along when you throw the, “Why me?” line at the loved one you think will tolerate and understand.

It blows you away to find out that he doesn’t, that they don’t…

Then you start thinking may be it’s not just a gift of expression…

Maybe it’s more of a gift of understanding… of accepting… of feeling!

Of simply allowing yourself to be consumed with and by it – no matter what “it” is – To drown you need faith at least enough to be sure that something or someone will pull you up before your last breath…

We stop writing when we lose our faith, that someone will show up and pull us out before we go away and our words are buried forever.

If you’re a believer, you believe in God… But even if you were an atheist really, you’ll just put your faith in people instead…

The mother of all cliches, “Keep the Faith,” isn’t really a cliche at all… Cause without it we would drown in our own blood… in our own words…

“I write to kill the memories that won’t go away… On paper it’s simply cleaner, since I can’t bare the sight of blood…”

“I write to move on… to move through… to move beyond… The joy before the tears…”

“I write to impress… to withstand… to topple and wobble… the useless and empty.”

“I write to relive the good and put away the bad…”

“I write to share… to unite… for in feelings only all mankind relate.”

I could go on and say so much more but you know what… Write for whatever reason you want to write… Whether it’s a selfish act or an act of ultimate sacrifice! Just write…

Pour your heart and soul on paper… Be kind to God’s Gifts and Treasures and Pay the Checks with a Smile… Cause it’s Worth it… 

And yes yes yes absolutely whine every once in a while but remember whine to the one that will pull you up before you choke on your own tongue…

I think that’s absolutely enough for one night…