Mr. Inaccessible…

Mr. Inaccessible… 

Why was my heart meant for you? So many whys but no true answers for the emotions we feel can’t be explained no matter how hard we try…

Over and Over again…

Explanations fail for this is not science…

Seldom do we acquire Luxury concerning… Matters of the Heart…. and most of the time the immediate why is nothing but a… Luxury.

So the smart follow their God Given “Instincts” and the fools follow their “Hearts”…

And we end up more Lost than Ever and it doesn’t really Matter if we know Exactly Where We Will End Up and Are….

Lost we are… Soul… Heart… and Mind….Till his arms find their way through life… to us….

Not Really found unless… the lights are down….

Waiting on Love…

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Conclusion to a Mere Beginning

 

Finally got it into my head struggling to break it to my heart…

He’s the One and Now I know not a Doubt in My Heart…

I feared for him, but who am I to choose for him?!

And who is he to judge me?!

How do you explain what you can’t merely grasp?

I messed up by being naive in love and ain’t everyone naive in love?

Why can’t I be sometimes simply naive?

People don’t let me or don’t I let myself?

Can write… Can talk… Can love…

Can Love….

Please don’t close your eyes can’t know how to look without them…

I still Hope…

When you know how things ought to have been and not how they turned out to be…

In the end, it’s always been there…

Dreams…

Dear … ,

Many whisper that when you dream of distant loved ones then you simply miss them and you need to see them as soon as you wake… if you are to keep your sanity that is…  

(and I do miss you though you were never close and never here but I can’t keep myself from  savagely missing you…)

But I beg to differ… you see if they were really loved ones in the conventional sense of the term then you’d just pick up the phone and talk to them… simple as that…

You would text… mention in a tweet… tag in a face book status… drop them a message in their face book inbox… hell you may even send an email while you’re at it! 

But to dream of someone so intensely and with such continuity then what you want you can’t experience while your eyes are fluttering open and for you to get what your heart strives your eyes need to close… you can only kiss these lips and touch these hands in dreams…

Some say when you’re so close to a soul, when they have consumed you completely heart, soul, and mind… the only place that’s left for them to occupy is dreams…

But a mother feels her baby’s pain even if he’s a thousand miles away… a father trembles for his daughter’s agony and son’s tragedy a thousand miles away… a lover yearns with lust for his love a thousand miles away…

Your subconscious is a funny trouble maker… you… all of us keep it trapped under lock and key as much as we consciously can… but when we close our eyes, we give in we surrender and we give up willingly to what we so deeply crave and need… we find our selves yearning for empathy and intimacy not sweat and lust… we find our lips moving and forming sentences and we can’t quite make out the words but we speak…

You keep visiting me in my dreams since I kept you under lock and key… I didn’t really you know you still survive and rise above me, my conscious, above the ashes of my heart… you always rise and I don’t know any more if that’s my own stubbornness or it’s just my intuition that keeps pulling me back in and telling me to hold on a bit longer… just a bit.

Telling me that maybe when you dream, you dream of me…

Some things we just know we deserve and I deserve happiness, even if it’s just a glimpse… Even if there is no real happiness on Earth and it only exists when granted by the God of the heavens in the sky above… 

For now I’m gonna settle for once… I’ll learn to love whom love me and I’m not a soul that looses hope never was and never will be… and of all… love is some thing I shall never be hopeless in…

May be Love is just a Dream Away and May be I do need to rise above you but let’s just take it one a step at a time shall we…

Hate is not some thing I can ever hold for you that I learned the hard way… May the moon shower you with glory on this weary night… and may you see the sweetness of tomorrow and let go of the bitterness of yesterday… but above all may you learn to love whom love you too… May your water reach the heart that is drying out of drought for you… 

Even if it’s not me…

Love even if it’s not me…

Cause you know what… Happy you deserve to be!

Love,

Marwa

Xs and Os

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Game Out! (At least for Moi)

All I’m asking you is to take a leap of faith with me, to leave the door open just a crack for the impossibly possible to tip toe in… Will you please? For me? Won’t you do that one and only favor for me? Your eyes will witness what you thought can’t be possible… Every girl falls at least once in her life time for that one guy who chooses every tramp or good for nothing or simply harmless annoying gal that he comes across over her, right? Story goes like this by the time he wakes up and smells the roses she (us) are long gone. By the time he gets his head around the FACT that she (us) are his one and only or true fit or that one poor yes poor soul who is insanely in love with him enough to put up with him till he finds God or Salvation or his BS purpose in life or whatever fucked up fancy shmanzy he needs to find we leave we move on. It takes us a while but we move on and God it takes him ages too to figure it out… But I’m different, we’re (I have no right to say we though) different, I don’t want to move on… I don’t want to go on… I don’t want to sleep with another or kiss a random misguided soul so he can help me swift swiftly away from your eyes grasp once and for all or even for a little while… I don’t. I want YOU.

Apologize

Scattering and Vicious are the words we shed when in pain, when in love, cruel at times to others whom we equally respect even love… We’d like to think of our selves as selfless, kind, and harmless at least to whom we intend no harm. But we actually hurt and torture much more people than we’d like to admit while simply following our hearts… How can something so gentle so true, like following ones own heart and instincts cause so much hate and despair, cause so much tears and can’t be rid of scars? We never mean to but we do, we never even intend to but we end up red handed with the same hideous crime time after time… We are caught one too many times hurting people that we hold nothing but respect towards or in many other times we may even hold indifference but still hurting the innocent weighs on ones conscience like no other act can… See in these times you don’t just feel bad, you feel scared that your path will intersect with another who might do that to you one day… Hurt the knockers out of you unintentionally cause to you there won’t be a thing unintentional about it! It won’t matter on purpose or not to you right then and there hurt is hurt and the case rests right there with the verdict in the horizon known by heart and guilty conscience… You see every story, every situation has more than one “factor” involved all mean well, all think they are doing themselves and their loved ones justice but thing is good intentions intersect and crash and leave everyone involved hurt just a little and sometimes.. sometimes hurt a whole damn lot! Apologies don’t do much but most times they’re all you have to extend your hand with, so I apologize to all whom I’ve hurt and all I will hurt… All you really need to know is that I never meant to…

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ألا يكفي

أي قدر ظالم هذا الذي يأبى أن يمنحني قلباً استحقه، أستحقك و تدرك بأنني استحقك فلماذا يبخل القدر بمنحي إياك…  تعبت من أجل الحصول عليك فلماذا لا أتمكن منك؟  أشعر أحياناً بأنك لا تليق بي لكنني لا أطمح بأن تليق بي…  أريدك كما أنت… كما أنت… كما أنت… ألا يكفي أن أريدك كما أنت؟    

Simply Okay…

I hope it’s nice where you are, cause I love you and it’s beauty is in its simplicity and it’s okay. It’s okay to simply love you and to give in to your love. I loved you yesterday, I’ll love you Tomorrow and I love you today. Truth is there are rare moments in life when you need to simply give in… Give in to Love, Give in to Sleep after a Long Day, Give in to Hope, Give in to Depression Even! Give in and Let it envelop you, stop fighting and stop struggling and just allow it to envelop you… Loving you has consumed me but now I finally get it fighting it, along its lines, and desperately through it  that was what was consuming me, not love. I love you too much and I was this close to hate you cause I didn’t know what else to do to make you feel my love… But now I don’t hate you, you see now I just love you and I’m satisfied to say I will always love and I will always be there for you through thick and thin. I believe in you unconditionally and I have ultimate faith in you and love I’m tempted to say once more even proud to exclaim, I love you and that’s simply okay.

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