Heart Break…

She didn’t have a way out and she didn’t know exactly why!

But why what exactly?

Why did she love him?

Did she love him?

Did she love him only or was there more to him, more to them than that?!

Why did she feel eternally connected to him?

Why did she have to oblige herself to not be obliged to help him?!

Why didn’t she leave earlier?

Why did she care so much, so overwhelmingly much?!

Why did he resemble her so much in being so lost?

Why was she this paranoid with the mere thought of leaving a moment too soon?! 

Paranoid she’d leave just when his walls are about to fall down…

Why was he a mirror of everything that was wrong with her?

Why was the thought of giving up on him hurting just as much as the thought of giving up on herself?!

She knew it in her heart that he was toxic. She was sick with him! He suffocated her… She wanted him safe and sound yet she was the girl who knew better and knowing what she knew yet going toward him…

Again and Again… Was slowly yet steadily killing her…

But his arms were a home by habit…

And he was always simply there by chance!

The dilemma of her loving him or not has become a hazardous occupation! A soul consuming and demolishing one…

The more he gave, the more he took, the more he demanded, the more she sank in his muck! In her own muck!

She furiously turned to God, she wanted him to tell her the whys…

She wanted the almighty to make them even somehow… She wanted him to suffer yet not really, not at all, yet just a little! She wanted him to simply feel her yet not get hurt himself! But is that possible for him even to tiptoe into so much contradictory emotion yet not be completely consumed?! And how can she want to fix whom she could only hazard?! Whom her mere existence hazards!

The betrayal of it all, the emptiness, and the losing him without even ever really gaining him…

The thought of a soul just like her…

The idea of giving up on a soul just like her…

It’s the same thing as giving up on her own self…

All of it was is heartbreaking…

Heartbreaking…

 

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