Beautiful is What I Must Be

I’m mad as hell, pissed off like I have never been before and it’s all because of YOU!

Maybe more at me for allowing you to take me back to this place, again.

 I know this place all too well I have been here before… more than once.

I promised me that I would never let anyone take me on a one way ticket here ever again and here I am, pitiful to say the least.

I am on the outside once more, the outside of me.

I let go and fly, love and live, and I tell myself each and every single time during the act that I will not regret, that I cannot regret. 

Thing is I regret, of course I regret, everyone regrets, welcome to OUR life, mine and yours baby.

We regret, we’re human, we regret doing, we regret not doing, and the ironic finale we even regret the act of regretting!!!

After a couple of times around you get the hang of it, you learn to regret the stupidity and cherish the madness, even if everyone around you didn’t, doesn’t and right damn will not.

The Outside has become my temporary home not exactly where I belong but simply a continuous stop that I seem to time and time again limp my way back to.

It’s not really going back to where I was but more of a place familiar that I escape to or I banish myself to when I do myself before anyone else wrong.

It suits me, actually it envelops me long enough for me to put my delicate fragile defense mechanism against life back up and plug it in power.

It’s a Marwa made world of memories, pain that hurts so bad that it makes every muscle of my body twitch and every bone ache.

It’s all me, and it will always be all by and about me, till further notice that’s just the way it is and the way it shall stay.

Time and time again they tell me stand up on your own love, only you can save you, then they say take God as a companion along the way!!!

Isn’t God the almighty, someone and aren’t the people who are alone as many say fortunate to have him by their side, so no one really has or ever will stand completely alone.

Common Myth, we need love, we need to be loved, by someone other than thy selves, thing is we’ll never feel anyone’s love for us not even God’s if we don’t love thy selves first.

So it goes something like this someone anyone loves you indefinitely and you speak of their love yet you just cannot subconsciously feel it but something happens in the process of them loving you, you see yourself through their eyes, through the eyes of a loved one, and you fall in love with thy self just as much as they love you, finally then you feel their love and it blows you away…

Suddenly you feel loved…

Then you figure out that no matter what you’re gonna be someone, you’re loved and love is beautiful therefore beautiful is what you must be.Image

“If you can’t Laugh,

Don’t shed a Tear or break a Cry,

And if all that is left in your Possession is your Heart,

Don’t Fear, You’ll Live, Not Die.” Jaheen

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