I Still Do

I’ve been told that I need to be fair to me, I told myself that, I need to be fair to me.

I need to move on so that eventually I can let go and move up.

But you broke my heart, I love you and you’re not coming and that I know for sure.

It doesn’t mean I don’t deserve someone beautiful, it just means that you ain’t mine.

But now that I am here and have been for a while, where do broken hearts go?

I am a drama queen I know, a fool for romance, but thing is when I love I love and I keep looking in your eyes in my dreams and I know that you care for me.

I know you do, but you’re not coming.

So here I am knowing, understanding, yet not willing or even attempting.

I mean what now ?

Forget…

Let Go…

Stop…

Even if forget YOU???!!! How?

Let Go, you have to have something or someone for starters in order to start sorting out how you will let it go. I never had you. You were never mine. I don’t have a clue how to let you go, when you were never mine…

Stop what exactly??? Dreaming of your eyes, lips, and sweet complexion. Fantasizing over every word you ever said to me. Asking the what ifs..

What if you met me first? 

What if I was the kind of person whom concious can allow to take a lover away from his love? (That’s saying I even knew how to do so, silly me!)

What if you were supposed to be the one? (If there is such a thing)

What if I am supposed to wait?

What if I am not supposed to move on and away?

What if this is a battle, my battle, the battle? (That I am supposed to take on and bleed in)

What if I never cry for and because of someone again? (Though I am sure I will)

What if you needed me, like really needed me?

What if…

I can’t keep doing this to myself.

You can’t keep doing this to yourself they say.

I am hopeless, helpless, and in love.

I deserve a lot more than what I am getting.

I deserve to want someone and have him.

I deserve you, if I love you this much and this true then I deserve you.

I want you…

As it gets difficult to breathe, I sigh and ask the wind a favour, “Will you send him a kiss for me?”

“On  the forehead, a reassuring kiss that I still love him, will you do that for me, please?”

The wind doesn’t reply yet I can hear it whisper, “He loves her, many others love you.”

“Love whom Love You.”

“That is and will be serving yourself finally justice.”

A sound from deep inside me simply says, “No.”

Then it all goes dark but I still love you though. 

Light or Dark I still do.

I won’t forget you, ever.

I don’t forget. You know what? You will never forget me either.

I am unforgettable.

I will always remember you baby.

When I play care bears for my kids on DVD.

When I see any young boy a little lost and a little out of place.

When I see a genuine smile…

I will remember you, A LOT.

I have loved you for so long and such a great love that I baffle myself sometimes.

I amaze myself by how much I Love You.

If I know that I will remember you years from now then it’s really okay to feel this awful now.

Yup I feel Awful, Ill, and Weak…

I have all these people around me yet I feel so fragile and weak.

Cause the only person I want around me, the only person I want to take in, to breathe, is YOU. 

But that’s okay cause I am pretty damn sure that you will never ever forget me.

Ever…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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