I wanted to write this piece a while back it was supposed to talk about how ridiculous and wrong my life is. Like the title clearly reflects =D. Then I can’t recall something exploded and I left it and it got saved in the drafts.
I listened to Lee Ann’s song a couple of days back and it just stuck. I have no idea till this instant what relation the two have to each other but a couple of clicks and I will.
So do we really need to die to be appreciated, I remembered the first time I heard The Band Perry If I die young ( Penny for my thought oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar they’ll be worth so much now that I am goner).
I remember thinking damn hard about that. I remember saying to myself over and over if I die now what will I have left behind. The only thing I could think of is my words, my idealistic theories, my pen on paper that’s all I recalled.
After that I thought good and hard about my life my legacy for every one of us has a legacy.
Then it hit me it was love the people I have loved and how I have loved them and how they will remember me.
My heart stopped right then and there because the love sector in my life is the most outrageous and its no secret at all. I was frozen in fear, in agony.
Will I be remembered will I be cherished ?
Dear God will I ? or shall I stay forgotten once my flesh touches the soft, cold earth?
Will people throw dirt on top of my memory as well as my body ?
Will I be remembered? Will I be loved by someone anyone even when I am not present in self and maybe nor in spirit? Will I ?
Questions that keep going round and round in circles at the back of my mind.
Every where I look there something wrong something off.
The picture is not so straight no matter from where you look!!!Upside down or down side up, it makes no difference at all what so ever.
So will the people whom I have loved, whom I love, and whom I will love remember the kisses, hugs, glitter and glamour of lost till found eyes or will they only remember the lies, the failed appointments, the disappointments, and the lost trust and faith.
Oh how I wonder!!!
What will I remember? Now that I think about it I will remember the sunshine and I will just let go of the rain.
Because well at the end of the day only morning rain washes away the harsh pain.
But through experiance people just ain’t like me.
I have come to accept that and live with it having no shame.
People like me just aren’t as many as they used to be.
I do live in hope that me holding so strong to the basics and the simplicity of love, life, and faith will inspire more people to do so.
Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t its fine though, I live.
Now as I looked at my life and saw that everything was so fucked up that you can actually smell my shit a mile down the road.
I just smiled, yes I did, I just smiled.
How pathetic am I ?
All I can do anyhow is cry or smile and I chose the latter it was easier people don’t ask you why you’re smiling but they sure as hell ask you why you’re crying.
And I swear its not because they give a fucking damn any how.
Its just socially unacceptable to not ask.
But some days I frown, yell, scream at the top of my lungs, and just wail and cry not giving a shit what people thought anyhow.
But these are rare times though sometimes for some they seem to occur more than others.
But these people don’t know me and honestly I wouldn’t care less about them anyway.
I think I care a little or maybe I care a lot I really don’t know honestly I don’t.
I don’t think I’ll ever know if people will remember me or not.
I mean who could possibly know.
Maybe they will remember that I was screwed up and screwed up, maybe they’ll remember that I loved them more than I loved thy self.
Maybe this and Maybe that and Maybe Nothing at ALL.